Ecclesiastess 3

Proverbs become proverbs because the cliche is so often true (and yes, I realize its a cliche to say that too) You really should be careful what you wish for. Its amazing how often your wishes happen but then it looks different.
Back in the winter, I was craving group time. It felt like I had a bunch of different friends but they were all scattered so I was getting tons of one-on-one time; the kind that generates great discussion etc. But i did crave the fun that you get out of groups..the laughing and games and teasing etc.
Now, its the opposite. There's been tons of amazing group times and I find myself carving discussions that come when you're one-on-one. I feel like i'm not getting to know people beyond who they are in groups.
So if anyone wants to make an appointment to hang out, ive got some free slots this week

Ying Yang

From Will Ferguson's "Why I hate Canadians"

Pierre Berton once defined a Canadian as "someone who knows how to make love in a canoe". But John Robert Colombo was quick to correct him. "A Canadian is s omeone who THINKS he knows how to make love in a canoe".

What defines us:
1. On those Americans. They make me so mad
2. The Queen, rah, rah.
3. French on our Cheerio boxes
4. __________________________
(In reference to Native Canadians).

ballast

"It's only just beginning to occur to me that it's important to have something going on somewhere at work or at home, otherwise you're just clinging on...You need as much ballast as possible to stop you floating away; you need people around you, things going on, otherwise life is like some film where the money ran out, and there are no sets, or locations, or supporting actors, and it's just one bloke on his own staring into the camera with nothing to do and nobody to speak to, and who'd believe in this character then? i've got to get more stuff, more clutter, more detail in here, because at the moment I'm in danger of falling off the edge".
- Hornby, High Fidelity, 59

I'm trying to remember how I relaxed in the days before I learned to brew a perfect pot of tea.

Oh that's right. I climbed things. Trees and fences and the roofs of three-story buidings and other conventional climbing apparatuses. Although, I must say the roof was the hardest as I am quite sure my parents kept building on to our house for the express purpose of finding ways to block my climbing routes.

Germany has redeemed itself with a resounding 4-0 victory over Argentina. If it can only manage to beat Spain, then i shall look forward to a Dutch-German showdown!

this afternoon i have

- chewed on cough drops
- gone to the bakery and farmer's market
- made and eaten a salad
- gone to the pharmacy
- rubbed vix on my chest
- guzzled cough syrup
- drank lemon and honey and chamomile tea
- gotten into cozy pj's
- snuggled into the couch
- missed my mommy

Duchess of Bloomsbury

"The night before I left, two friends gave me a farewell party. I'd spent the day packing to the indignant fury of all my vital organs and I left the party early and was in bed and asleep by midnight. At 3:00 AM, I came staring awake, with my insides slamming around and a voice inside my head demanding:
'What are you doing, going three thousand miles from home by yourself, you're not even HEALTHY!'
I got out of bed, had hysterics, a martini and two cigarettes, got back in bed, and whiled away the rest of the night composing cables saying I wasn't coming"
- The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street, 10


Helene Hanff does make it out of bed and on a plane to London the next day. As we all eventually do. I am always excited about going somewhere until, proportionally, close to the actual leaving date. So for instance, if I'm planning to spend the night at a friend's place, I wonder if I shouldn't stay home just as I'm pulling out of the driveway. On a trip to the other side of an ocean, the doubts start setting in a day or two before. I get nervous; not about what I will do when I get there, so much as wondering if I'll ever see anyone I love ever again. When I say goodbye, I make sure to say everything that needs to be said. Essentially, I spend the a couple of days mourning the life I won't have if I die in the next few weeks.

Once I'm in the airport, past security, then I settle back into my usual youngest-child philosophy of not worrying overly much. And, after all, its all worked out so far, right?

... or bust

I totally forgot that now that I'm in a respectable job, I get paid vacation!
Patagonia, Here I Come!!!!!!

of imbecility

Customer #1: “Are we allowed to sit outside?
Answer #1: “Only with a written permission slip. In pink.
Answer #2: “Yes, that’s what the tables are there for “


I can only laugh. Sometimes I don’t know if people are really that asinine or if they are just looking for attention. The customer above was a younger man with a cheeky if slightly confused smile; not the usual demographic for battiness.

However, sometimes I just don’t have enough grace to conclude that they are anything but a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

The other day at Wendel’s bookstore a lady comes in:
Lady: “Do you know anyone with books?”
Me: Stare blankly at all the bookshelves surrounding her.
Lady: “You know, someone that takes books?”
Me: “Um….we take books from publishers?”
Lady: “No, you know, that takes my books?”
Me: No, this isn’t a second hand bookstore. There is one in Langley though” (give her directions)
Lady: “would they buy this book?”
Me: “I’m sorry; we’re not affiliated; I couldn’t say”
Lady: “What are their business hours?”
Me: “I’m sorry; we’re not affiliated; I couldn’t say”
Lady: “Do they take hardcover?”
Me: “I’m sorry; we’re not affiliated; I couldn’t say”
Lady: “What’s the owner’s name?”
Answer #1: “The owner’s name is Charlie Chaplin, they only take books written between 1920 and 1925, and they will only sell books to people with pink or purple hair and they are open between midnight and 4am but you look daft enough to be an excellent customer!
Answer #2: “I’m sorry; we’re not affiliated; I couldn’t say”

Another lady:
Her: “Do you take Amex?”
Me: “No, we take everything but that”
Her: “Then I don’t suppose you take debit?”
Answer #1: Sure I can do that.
Answer #2: Only if you can show me ID proving that you are not a runaway from a mental institution.


At the office, during the peak of the H1N1 panic, I answered a call from an obviously frazzled woman:
Lady: My son has been sick for a month and its just dreadful.
Me: I’m sorry, that must be difficult for you.
Lady: Well yes, and I went to the doctor and he told me that its not the swine flue.
Me: That must be a relief.
Lady: well, I just don’t know. He’s been sick for a month and I just thought maybe you could tell me if he has the swine flue?
Me: I’m sorry, but I’m not a doctor so I really can’t say.
Lady: Well, I was just looking for a second opinion.
Answer #1: I’m sorry, but I’m not a doctor so I really can’t say.
Answer #2: “My opinion, lady, is that if you think that the first person that answer’s the phone at your local mp’s office is qualified to give you a medical opinon contradicting your family doctor, then perhaps what your son is suffering from is simply the culling of a strand of DNA not fit (or deserving enough)to survive in this world. Cut your losses and let your line fade from the gene pool in peace.


I can assure you that whichever answer i did not give was the one I most wanted to.

zeeba neighbors

Note to disgruntled constituents: If you send mail stating you want to be taken off our mailings list, then PUT YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON IT! Contrary to popular belief, the government and its drones aren’t all knowing and psychic!

of ageless themes: Soccer and books

The World Cup is being absolutely ridiculous. I don't like it. England tying with the USA??? Germany losing to SERBIA!!! The status quo is being upset and that simply won't do. If your top teams cannot be depended upon than what can??? Next thing we know, gravity will go!

Despite claims that my WC enthusiasm is simply band-wagon-jumping like the Olympics (which I freely claim was a total case of getting swept up in the enthusiasm) it literally hurts to see my teams doing so badly! And soccer really is the most beautiful sport. Both regarding the moves and the players.

In other news: 84 Charing Cross is brilliant and its companion, Duchess of Bloomsbury Street even more so. No one writes letters and journals like they used to. And while it might be cliche to lament this; lament it I can't help when I read these books. If you havn't read them but you have read the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, think of the former as a more authentic version of the latter (although I make absolutly no complaints about it either)

Catch 22

My friend Erica and I recently discovered a book that really has hit the nail on the north American head. Stuff White People like epitomizes our intense need for individuality. It's a list of all things that white people like; whether for real or because they feel they should like them. (I use the third person but I am in no way excluding myself from this degenerate group).
For instance, #7:

White people love ethnic diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants.

Many white people from cities like Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York will spend hours talking about how great it is that they can get Sushi and Tacos on the same street. But then they send their kids to private school with other rich white kids, and live in neighborhoods like Santa Monica or Pacific Palisades.

But it’s important to note that white people to do not like to be called out on this fact. If you run an ethnic restaurant you can be guaranteed repeat business and huge tips if you act like your white customers are adventurous and cultured for eating food that it isn’t sandwiches or pasta.

I think its a brilliant mockery of ourselves but it's also horribly depressing. It seems like the only way to not be white is to be completely mainstraim and normal: and yet, the mainstream is to try to be unique. But if you're not unique, then you're in a small category in this world that defines its by self-identity.

Even as I write this I am aware that it sounds utterly pretentious and "white" so is the answer total self-oblivion? But that goes against everything our culture says: it is now "I think i am therefore I am" so without forming your "cyber you" you are just not worth knowing.

Well, I give up. its way to tiring trying to be unique. I now resolve to be the most boring unintersting person around...

oooo...maybe that can be "my thing"

Myotonic Goatlets

I've added a new goal to my to-do list:
Have a goat farm.
Don't start picturing bearded grandfathers and alps and goat boys named Peter. I'm thinking more rolling green tropical hills than towering mountains with endless winters.
And instead of headstrong little goats named Little Swan and Little Bear, I'm thinking something more along the lines of these hysterically entertaining, adrenaline-deficient, swooners:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9_CdNPuJg