Happy Birthday Lani!

I have 21 nieces and nephews and I love them all dearly. I'm so proud to see them growing up to be these amazing, humans with real personalities. I'm blown away by what a good job their families have done with them and how spunky, interesting, creative and generally amazing people they are turning out to be. Watching them grow and change and develop is probably the deepest loss that I experience by living so far away from them and if nothing else, I am deeply grateful for getting to be a part of that the past six months. I could write an individual blog post about each and every one of them! However, the younger they are the more rapidly they change and move on and tend to turn into new people every few months. This is why the thought of saying goodbye cuts deepest when I think about Lani. The older ones I will miss but I know that they will retain memories. The boys will remember all the hours of playing video games with Scott and the girls will remember our coffee dates. They will have a sense of who we are and know that we love them. 

Lani, as a two year old, will not. She will forget that she loves me and that I adore her. She will forget our walks to the store a few times a week and that I always let her play on the slide and that she always has to walk on the cement ledge and that I sneak her around a back way so that we don't have to spend another hour on the slide. She will forget that my name was the first she said after her immediate family's and that we love playing fena shtul duma shtul (spelling?) (lit. translated: good chair bad chair). Next time we see her, she will probably not call us 'Lala and 'Toc anymore and the thought of never hearing "Lala come!!!!" breaks my heart almost as much as not getting to be here to see all the new developments she'll go through and hear all the adorable things she comes up with and her expression of shock and delight when she sees something new. 

Something that's surprised me almost as much as the fact that my heart has turned into a weird, unrecognisable mushy puddle is all the things that I've learned from her! 

1. Love with all your heart. 

   When Lani loves someone, her eyes light up when she sees them and her hi's and waves and squeels make you feel like the most loved and appreciated person in the world. We all vie for that look, not just because she's so cute but because there's something incredible in being loved so purely and unabashadly! Lani doesn't judge me if I mess up or if I haven't visited her for a few days. When I come, she just gives me a great big smile and we commence to running away somewhere for a bit (always preferable over playing inside with toys). This is how I want to love people. I want to love them for what they choose to show about themselves and I want to make the most of the time that they give me by throwing myself into the moment as generously as Lani. I want to demand "no" when they say it's time to leave but give them a smile when they go anyway! I want to be as fearless with my heart as she is! 

2. Notice and take joy in the little things. 

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you make look back and realize they were the big things" - Robert Brault 

  

   One day on the way back from the store, Lani noticed a little gravel pile. She refused to
keep walking, instead ran over to the pile, plopped down in glee and proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes playing with the stones. Of course, her indulgent Lala had no choice but to plop down next to her, toss stones around, make little piles (and of course, destroy them gleefully). 

   Lani had walked by those stones countless times and never noticed them and has never noticed them since, but for twenty minutes she was consumed by that gravel pile and had a wonderful time. It didn't matter to her that she wasn't building any marketable talents or that she couldn't take the stones with her. She saw something she would enjoy and proceeded to enjoy it fully.  

3. Be carefree

   I used to be carefree...even when I grew up a bit and life often sucked and I was stressed a lot, I still took moments to be carefree, to play in the rain and do things without overanalyzing every action. Since graduating from uni, I feel like I've lost some of that but playing with Lani has helped me realize that I like being silly and random. We skip down the road pretending we're on horses or twirl and dance with tassles or shriek in each other's faces or yell at the lambs to come eat from our hands (hint: not often effective) or simple run screaming down the road for the sheer fun of being alive and out on a beautiful day. Yes, we look rather strange but who cares what the lambs or anyone else thinks! 

4. Slow down

   When you talk about lessons learned from kids, the first thing is usually patience. But since I'm lucky enough to be an auntie, I can just dump the kids back at their parents when I'm losing patience so that's not really hard for me. But Lani has taught me to slow down. Mostly because with those litlte dumpy legs of hers, I can only go so far. At the beginning on our walks, I would usually end up getting exasperated and carrying her the last stretch home. However, that happened less and less as I learned to look at things and notice what was around me. While waiting for her to catch up, I'd see the many beautiful shades of green every or grap some eucalyptus leaves for my kitchen or notice the texture of the fence or people watch. Now, I rarely pick her up. I've learned to walk more slowly and talk with her, although this is how our convo's usually go: 

Lani: Chania there?
Lala: No Chania is bye bye.

Lani: Bye bye?

Lala: Ya Chania went bye bye on the airplane. 

Lani: Airplane?

Lala: Yes to Canada

Lani: Canada?

Lala: Yes on the airplane. 

Lani: Airplane??!!>!>!>!

Lala: Yes and soon Scott and Lala will go on the airplane. 

Lani: No! 

(She has an adorable habit of repeating the last word as a question which is an excellent way of keeping the conversation going, but she sure knows when to stop repeating and give her opinion! )

I've learned to talk and use that time to ask her questions about what she's seeing and what she's doing. 

Lala: What did you see today?

Lani: Bug! 'Pider! 'Nake! Scary scary!!!! 

We will see how long the ability to wander and not stride will last but it's rather fun for now! 

So as you would say, Lani: Happy yoyo yoo yoooooo"  (Happy Birthday to youuuuu)